Hi, this is Jess
by TheDragonflyInn
Summary: Post-series. 2 years. 24 months. 730 days. That's how long it's been since she last saw him. She knows she should let go, but she can't.


_This Oneshot was inspired by an episode of another of my favorite series: Criminal Minds (but don't worry, there aren't any serial killers in this story)._

* * *

_"Hey, you've reached Jess. Leave a message at the beep." He flipped the phone closed and laid it on the kitchen table._

_"That's your voice mail message?" She stared at him with glee._

_"Yeah." He furrowed his eyebrows. "What's wrong with it?"_

_"Hey, you've reached Jess." She mocked the serious voice in which he read the message._

_"What? You think people would prefer listening to you rant incessantly before being able to finally leave a message?"He smirked and got up from his chair and wrapped his arms around her as she stood by the kitchen counter._

_"I'm just saying you don't have to sound so serious." She gave him a quick kiss and put her coffee mug down and slowly wrapped her arms around him as she spoke. "At least try to sound as if you don't plan on searching the caller up and give them a slow, painful death if they dare leave message at the beep."_

_He grinned and reached for the phone, still holding her close with his other hand. Without leaving her eyes with his he flipped the phone open and redialed his voice mail. His grin grew wider as he started to speak: "Hi, this is Jess. I'm busy trying to get my wife pregnant."_

_She stared at him in shock for a few seconds and then squeaked and reached for the phone. He moved his upper body away from her and continued with laughter in his voice: "Please don't ignore this message and call again, 'cause you'll most definitely will be disturbing." He stressed the word definitely and broke into laughter as he had to lean to his side when Rory launched for the phone. "And if you do, I'll make sure to tell my mother-in-law you're the reason she's not getting any grandchildren." He flipped the phone closed and with a laugh he picked Rory up and placed her on the kitchen counter._

_"You're not seriously keeping that as your voice mail?" She said with disbelief in her eyes._

_"Too unserious?" He smirked and trailed kisses down her neck._

_"What if your editor calls?"_

_"I hate to lie to my editor. " He said and picked her up by her thighs and she instantly wrapped her legs around his waist and laughed as he made his way towards the bedroom._

_"I have to get to work!"_

_"Come on, you can be a little late for once."_

"Rory?" The calling of her name ripped her away from her memories and back to reality.

She smiled at Laura, her co-worker. "I'm sorry, what?"

Laura smiled back. "I was just asking if you wanted to tag along with me and the girls for some drinks tonight."

Rory shook her head. "Sorry, I can't."

Laura gave her a sad look but didn't push. "Okay, guess I'll see you Monday then?"

Rory nodded and stepped out of the elevator. "Yeah. Monday." She replied almost automatically, her thoughts already drifting away as she stepped onto the street and started walking.

_"You still haven't changed your voice mail!" She said as soon as he picked up the phone._

_"What?"He said sounding confused for a few seconds before catching on. "Oh, that. I haven't gotten around to."_

_She smiled. "Are you on your way home?"_

_"Yeah, I'm stepping out of the meeting as we speak."_

_"Good." She bit her lip, trying to hold back her enthusiasm as she continued. "And Jess?"_

_"Yeah."He sounded distracted._

_"I think you really need to change that voice mail." She waited for a few seconds for the dramatic effect of it. "We're not trying any longer."_

_She was met by silence on the other end. _

_"Jess?"_

_"Are-are you saying what I think you're saying?"_

_"Yeah. I mean, I haven't been to the doctor yet, but I've done ten of those home tests…and they're all positive."_

_She could hear him draw his breath. "I'll be home before you know it." He laughed. "I love you Rory!"_

_"I love you too, daddy." She said before hanging up._

Rory got on the bus and sat down by a window and leaned her head against it. She wished it would rain. Rain would suit her feelings so much better than the bright sun shining through the window.

She sighed and picked up her phone.

"Mom…yeah, I'm fine…I'm staying in New York tonight…yeah I'm sure…no, I really just need to be alone…yeah…tell…tell Sarah I love her…I will…I'll call you tomorrow."

She closed the phone and put it back in her bag and went back to leaning her head against the window.

She tried to clear her mind from all thoughts; afraid that she would miss her stop if she allowed herself to get lost in memories again. She managed pretty well, at least she didn't miss her stop.

She gathered her things and started walking the few blocks to their apartment.

_He was late. She smiled to herself. He had probably stopped somewhere along the way to pick up some ridiculously cute baby item. Maybe a teddy bear or a onesie with a cute text on it. _

_She sighed and placed her hands on her still flat stomach. "Your daddy will love so much." She said to it. "Not that you'll remember me telling you – you don't even have ears yet – but you'll learn that soon enough."_

_When the doorbell rang she stirred from her position and quickly pushed away the little voice inside that told her Jess wouldn't ring the doorbell. He had keys. She placed a smile on her lips as she went to open the door._

_She was met by two policemen with sorry looks on their faces._

_"Mrs. Mariano?" One of them asked and she knew. Somewhere deep inside she had known already when the doorbell rang. _

_"Yes." She said, holding her breath as she waited for their reply._

_"I'm sorry, we need you to…"_

_She doesn't remember what they said next. The only thing she remembers is feeling the ground disappearing beneath her. And the pain. The unbearable pain. She had never known such pain existed._

_She probably screamed as well. She had felt like she needed to; to let some of the pain out. In her memories of that day she always screamed. Whether she screamed or not, it hadn't relieved the pain._

_She had fallen to the floor, she remembers that. She had forgotten how to stand. She had forgotten how to breathe. She had forgotten everything except the excruciating pain._

She stops outside the apartment door. This is where they had stood when they told her her husband wasn't coming home that night. That he wasn't coming home ever.

She swallows the lump of tears in her throat, a maneuver she has gotten pretty good at over the last couple of months. It usually keeps the tears at bay, at least for a while.

She opens the door and steps into the empty apartment. She can't remember what if felt like not being sad anymore. It had been 2 years and she still didn't know what it felt like to breathe without having tears threatening to escape with each breath.

2 years without him. 24 months. 730 days. 730 mornings of waking up without him. 730 nights of going to bed without feeling his arms around her.

She walks through the hallway and sits down at the kitchen table. Two dusty plates are still standing on the table, waiting for their celebratory dinner to be served on them. She runs her finger through the dust.

She shouldn't be here. She should be in Stars Hollow, taking care of their daughter. Taking care of Luke. He was hurting to. But she couldn't. Not today.

Usually their daughter would remind her why she needed to stay here. Alive. Alone. But today she couldn't remember any of those reasons. Why was it that she had to stay here all alone when he wasn't here?

She couldn't even bring a smile to her face when Sarah took her first step. All she could think of was that he wasn't there to see it. He would never see his daughter walking. And she would have to take every single step in her life without her father there to cheer her on.

Two months ago Sarah had looked at her and uttered the word "Mommy". One simple word that was supposed to make her feel like the happiest woman on earth, but her eyes had filled up with tears at the thought of the word her daughter wouldn't utter. The word he wouldn't get to hear.

She got up from the chair and walked into the bedroom they had shared. She picked up the pillow from his side of the bed and crawled onto the bed, pressing the pillow against her chest. Even though it had probably been too long and his scent had since long faded she still imagined she could feel it if only she hugged the pillow close enough.

She picked up the phone, still holding the pillow close and dialed the same number she had dialed the last 730 nights before going to sleep. And sometimes during the day as well when the feeling of loss and longing was too overwhelming.

"Hi, this is Jess."

She couldn't hold her tears back any longer and in the privacy of their apartment, knowing no one would interrupt, she let them fall.

"I'm busy trying to get my wife pregnant."

She heard herself squeaking in the background and the unbearable pain that had never really left shot through her stomach at full force when faced with the memory of a happier time.

"Please don't ignore this message and call again, 'cause you'll most _definitely_ will be disturbing."

She could hear his laugh and the scene from that morning played out in her head, over and over again. She had missed his laugh. She still missed his laugh. And his touch. She would never feel his touch again.

"And if you do, I'll make sure to tell my mother-in-law you're the reason she's not getting any grandchildren."

The beeping sound echoed through the phone and she turned the call down and redialed the number.

"Hi, this is Jess."


End file.
